Self-care comes in many ways, shapes, and forms. Some read a book. Others jog and work out. But for Cobrah Sac, self-care comes in the form of dance.
January is all about Mental Health & Wellness and Self-Care, and here is #WellnessWednesday with Cobrah Sac.
1. What are your forms of self-care?
Cobrah: Ok, if I’m going to speak on average, in my basic bitch mode, I enjoy taking a nice SMOLDERING bath with epsom salt with my essential oils. However, my self-care routine runs deep, as deep as my soul. There’s physical care; and with that, Dance…Dance is my physical therapy and it is also a part of my mental self-care as well. It’s quite honestly everything I need for self care but I sometimes need to take a break from it as we all face those challenges with our passions. Growing up, my father was an amateur boxer and he taught me form and precision, so boxing and kickboxing I really enjoy, I just really enjoy movement and contact and it comes in handy in a situation when I have to beat a bitch down.
Sex, sex, sex, S.E.X. We need it, I need it but again, I like to step away from it. Like they say, too much of anything is bad for you. I enjoy healthy sex, sex that has it’s therapeutic properties; a one night stand or long term; I fuck for a cure! Lol!!!
lastly, my skin-care routine is a natural thing for me after taking care of it practically all my life. I might skip a shower but I won’t skip my skin care routine!
2. Being a mother, how do you balance your life with your own personal self-care and mental health?
Cobrah: I’ll tell you when I come up with the formula but honestly, there’s never a balance when you’re a mother. Whatever shit they tellin you in the blogs and social media isn’t real life. Mothers always sacrifice self care for their kids, there’s just a higher percentage of women making a conscious decision to inform themselves of ways to add it into Family routines but we can ALL use more self care as Mothers. I will say this, whenever I am away from my kids, I put what energy I have left over to do whatever the fuck I wanna do! That makes me feel balanced.
3. How does dance help you with self-care, and your mental health?
Cobrah: Like I said…Dance encompasses all of my self-care needs. Dance allows me to transform into whomever I desire. It allows me to transform my mood, my body and transmute the negative thoughts and feelings into waves and waves of spiritual energy. Dance opens gives me opportunities…to dance more and socialize. I have quite literally met every close friend, lover and foe, on a dance floor and most are still in my life today. Dance frees my mind of the dark spots and opens it up to receiving the good shit. If I had to choose between all the other regimens and dance—I choose dance.
4. How did you get into dance?
Cobrah: I don’t know about getting into something that has come so natural to me as far as my memory can take me but I’ve always been a dancer, straight out of my mommas coochie! Lol!!! How I started exotic dancing and pole dancing is the same story:
I was 19 or 20, attending college in Long Beach, CA, all in my own…not knowing at the time but I was being a Boss Ass Bitch. It was my first experience being on my own and I didn’t want to squander my youth so I made friends, went to parties, stayed at the club with my bestie, now owner and CEO of Ten90Two! We all know you can’t experience life without having the coins, so I worked multiple jobs, Guess, Nordstroms, Saks Fifth on Rodeo and some other retailers that I choose not to speak of. After some time I just realized the time didn’t add up to the coins in the bank! As a matter of fact, there wasn’t any coin in the bank and I had it with retail. So a friend introduced me to his friend who seem to be doing rather well for herself. I remember meeting her after class in front of school, I could sense her discomfort and didn’t really understand until she told me what she did to make money. Her first words were “what are you willing to do?” if course I said “anything!”. Her next words are singed into my memory, “you willing to strip?”, she said. My response was utter shock! I thought to myself, hell nah I ain’t gonna strip! My mother and father would beat me down to meet Jesus! Free our conversation, I had some things to think about. What I contemplated was if I was willing to take my top off at a dance club and stand atop a bar, I should be able to take off my clothes in a very very dimly lit room with predatory men wanting to fuck me into next week, sure! easy peasy. My very first night I came with a mow hawk, some pumps and a bikini. Apparently I thought I was ready but I would soon find out for the next ten years I was never ready for what was to come when I stepped through the doors of a gentlemen’s club. My first night, I was called to the DJ booth and he asked me what my name was and I replied enthusiastically, “Andrea!” with dead eyes he looks at me and say “no, no it’s not…”. He caught my confusion, “what’s your stage name?”. Every girl has a fake name and mine was Skyler and in that moment “Sky” was born. He announces me seconds later, “joining us for the first time on stage…Sky!” I have NEVER sweat so much in my life than I did that night, it was a mix of terror and me dancing so fast from excitement! That night I took home $400 all thanks to the black guy who was clearly a predator. Men like that prey on the newbies but I cashed out and flew out of there at the end of the night. After that night, I was hooked! Traveling from city to city, club to club and chiiiiile I have enough stories to write a book!
There’s no one absolutely NO ONE that can prepare you for the game, ain’t no training, no coaching…you put on your armor; which consist of 7” platforms, a cheap wig and a small purse filled with “resources” and prepare for battle, encause every night it’s a fight. I hung it up long ago but found my way back to my favorite part and that’s the dance.
5. How was the intersection of being queer, black, and a woman affected your mental health journey?
Cobrah: Well, if you know what it feels like to be black, you know what it feels like being queer and a woman; the run parallel, so the urge to fight for your space is a constant struggle, for me it’s just x3. Over time, from being treated less than, a bitch develops a hard shell and a vocabulary that will set fire to anyone standing in her way! I have personally been through my own struggles for being a black queer woman, people always feel the need to tell me what and who I should be, because everyone wants to put those charter Isti a in a proper place so I don’t effect the natural order, however, me being me…an individual with a fucking mind of my own, that has never worked out well and I’m left feeling like the “problem” and that has made me very untrusting, guarded and hinged to fear of succeeding. This is why self-care is of MAJOR importance in the our community(black women).
6. What is the most important mental health lesson you have learned or gained from your childhood?
Cobrahsac: NEVER STOP DANCING
I made that mistake twice in my life and each time there followed a catalyst that left me having to rebuild and regain my self worth. Give up dance? Fuck no…
7. Describe your childhood. How was the topic of mental health and self-care incorporated into your childhood?
Cobrah: I honestly don’t like talking about my childhood because it was so toxic, however, this is how we heal from it by talking. My childhood was a typical childhood for that time; my mother became a mother at a very tender age and had to become a woman there after. She was strict and by strict I mean she liked to whoop some ass on a weekly bases. I just had to make sure there weren’t any hard objects in her reach when she got angry! LOL
I laugh about it now because I understand her so much now that I am a woman and a mother; single might I add. As a child dancing was what I LOVED to do, there are so many videos of me dancing at a party or family function, it was my happy place because I had sooo much energy! I still do to this day. My mother hated that about me, she just hated it. I was always getting hurt or finding myself getting into trouble and still to this day LOL!! As a small child, I had so many anger issues and I believe it was simply the effects of growing up in a household with no father, three sisters and a single mom who was mentally unstable. Growing up there were no conversations about mental health, call it “Growing Up Black”. My mother suffered a lot of trauma at an early age; losing her virginity at GOD knows when, definitely before she had titties, using dangerous drugs, not knowing who her father was, having an abusive and neglectful mother, being beaten up by my father, having a baby before becoming a woman and dropping out of school to raise her children. Oh it was sometimes a nightmare, however, she made it work to the best of her abilities so I’ve never faulted her for making the mistakes she made. My mother was a heavy smoker and still is(weed and cigarettes), that’s how she dealt with her mental health, by anding on bad habits that she now depends heavily on today. I often wondered who she talked to about her problems after my Great-grandmother passed, because they were very close and when she passed EVERYTHING changed. Lives begun to fall apart and ours did. My mother’s small little tree began to lose its leaves and she continued to spiral. In the midst of all that, I always looked out for my sisters, I cared after my younger sisters and left my oldest sister to her own devices; she preferred to be left alone which resulted in a secret pregnancy and her becoming a single mother at sixteen. Priorities, what can I say *shrug*. I’ve always been a caretaker and nurturer, to my detriment on a number of occasions but it’s something about myself that I can not change I’ve just found ways to heal from the pain of being took advantage of. I found therapy after a really toxic relationship that still effects me to this day and quite frankly I wouldn’t know what I’d do without it and how my mother still manages to not find it for herself. I wish that black women and men break out of these generational myths that were created because of the lack of resources that our parents and their parents and their parents did not have access to! We live in some dark times and it’s far too many advocates, blogs, apps, publications and professionals out there for our community to utilize for their mental health. I always reflect on the mere fact, that had my mother received help or was lent programmed to view it as some sign of weakness, everything about my life and all of my family’s lives, would be extremely different. I just wish she cared enough to get help because I can’t imagine not getting help for the toxic shit that has effected me in such a profound way. I want black women to know that talking to someone, anyone about what you’re going through and seeking ways to overcome the pain, is not a sign of weakness and not a risk at sounding “crazy”. If someone believes your talking through your pain and struggle is “crazy” then you need to find a professional or a new friend, cause that bitch ain’t a friend. Here’s a link to an article that the Huffington Post wrote on Joy Harden Bradford the founder of Therapy for Black Girls
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5b34d82de4b0cb56051ffc80/amp
I’ve personally gone on this site to find a therapist that’s right for me and I recommend you to do so as well.
8. Where do you see dance taking you in this new year?
Cobrah: I predict that dance will open up many doors with many opportunities behind them and I will sashay my way through the right ones. I predict that these opportunities will allow me the freedom to express my art in my unique way and they will be a means to reach my wildest dreams. I believe wholeheartedly that dance will change my life and take me to the next level in this New Year and I would hope that the people around me will grow so that their support and love will align with mine. There’s nothing more important than the love and support you receive from family and friends when you’re developing and refining your Passions. A year ago, I said I wanted to perform in a burlesque show and I set the intention to do so and her I am…a year later about to debut in my first burlesque show! I am grateful to God and all that she has gifted to me, among all those things, my children MOSTLY. In this New Year I will be able to show them what it looks like to chase your dreams all while loving on them more and more each day. This Mew Year is my year and I am READY.
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